Thursday, June 07, 2007

SOOOOOO NOT HOT!

OF COURSE THEY LET PARIS HILTON OUT OF JAIL EARLY!

Her cel was toooooooo cold and her two hour session with her shrink did nothing to soothe her fragile nerves and she's been crying. Alot! The jail they sent her to was probably the basis for the one in OZ. And let's not forget that she has to spend the next 40 days in her home, which, I'm sure is a real shack. And she has to wear that yucky ankle bracelet which means she'll have to have a special matching doggie bracelet made for her Chihuahua.

Life is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo unfair!

Excuse me...I just threw up a little in my mouth.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Did I miss something???

Ok, so I must preface by saying that I haven't really cared about who wins the Oscars since....'98? I watch it every year and this year I was definitely rooting for specific people/movies, but when you get down to it, who does and does not win has no real bearing on how I live my life. I'm not one of the power 100 in Premiere Magazine. I'm jaded, just like many of you, and know that the nominees (and certainly the winners) quite often do not represent the best of the year. And I'm well aware of all the money and politics and advertising (subliminal and not so subliminal) that goes into winning an Academy Award.

I was all prepared for the BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN Machine to do its work.

But when CRASH won Best Original Screenplay and Best Picture, I seriously wanted to start throwing things. I know, I know, it's an important message movie (blech!), I know Oprah has championed it and it raises all the important questions we don't want to ask ourselves. I get it. That's the point. It would be hard not to get the message, because from the first frame, we are POUNDED OVER THE HEAD WITH THE OH SO VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE! That's the trouble with the movie. The questions and issues it raises are far more interesting than the movie itself.

Can you say contrived? Frankly, John Sayles did it far better (dealing with the same issues of race and human connection) in CITY OF HOPE and in the very brilliant and very overlooked LONE STARintertwining stories in a seamless beautiful way which CRASH wishes it could do. If Haggis had only overlapped a couple of the stories in CRASH, he would have made his point far better than the PAX TV version he gave us. As it stands, it's too unbelievable (and I am someone who is very willing to give over to the willing suspension of disbelief). It's too deliberate, too convenient, too neat as a pin, too "CLEVER," (and I use all caps, bold, italics and quotes in the Paul Haggis vein here--to make sure you realize how clever I am to write a word while meaning the total opposite of that word).

I didn't feel for any of these people. Well, that's not entirely accurate. I felt for Thandie Newton, but then was so annoyed by the turn of events in her storyline that all empathy fell by the wayside. I felt for Michael Pena, as the locksmith trying to provide a good life for his daughter, but then was annoyed by the story he tells his daughter to protect her which proves to be a big mistake (and reminded me of the story Roberto Benigni tells his son to protect him in Life is Beautiful which is another movie that everyone loved which I did not). Aside from the badly drawn intersections of these characters is the forced redemptions thrust upon them and the viewing audience. Of course Sandra Bullock bonds with the maid she treats badly. Of course Ludacris saves the refugees. They've learned that racism is bad, bad, BAD and will never act that way, ever again.

The best character in this movie was Matt Dillon. He is who he is and saving Thandie from the fiery wreck will not change that. He knows why she's freaking out. He probably sees his role in what has and what might transpire. He clings to her and is shaken by what has just transpired. Does that mean he now is the champion of minorities? I don't know! He is who he is. He loves his father, and hates anyone getting over on him. Perhaps these turns of events will impact his way of thinking, perhaps not. But there is no sudden 180 of redemption for him and I liked that. That is what the movie should have explored. Ambiguity, not obviousness.

The only thing worse than the movie itself, was the musical number performed on the Oscars. I fault Gil Cates and the Oscars producers for that one. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the burning car in the background and the performers reenacting the molestation of Thandie, through interpretive dance. WHAT???? The Hustle and Flo number wasn't much better, but at that point I wasn't paying close enough attention to be too annoyed.

I was very happy to see Phillip Seymour Hoffman win for Capote. And Reese Witherspoon was great as June Carter Cash. I would have been happy for either her or Felicity Huffman winning. And while I feel bad that Catherine Keener has yet to be recognized for her amazing talents, Rachel Weisz was wonderful in The Constant Gardener. I didn't see Syriana, but who doesn't love Clooney?

I, like many, am always puzzled when the winner for the Best Director is not the person who directed the movie that wins Best Picture. Obviously, I don't think that Paul Haggis should have won Best Director, and I didn't worship BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN, like the rest of the country. But between the two, BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN certainly deserved the recognition more than CRASH. My issues with BROKEBACK, should be the subject of another blog. I don't want to go into it now. I will say that it was beautifully directed and acted and photographed and while I didn't feel the same as many, it would have been a fine choice for Best Picture.

I guess when you get down to it; there wasn't one movie this year that moved me to the point of "yes! That's the one." And it's happened in the past. Loved the ENGLISH PATIENT (and would have been equally happy if FARGO had one that year). I watched GOOD WILL HUNTING all the way through completely enchanted and engrossed despite the fact that I had to pee, desperately (which according to the late Spalding Gray, is the highest praise one can pay a film). Seeing SHAKESPEARE IN LOVE was an experience of pure joy!. SILENCE OF THE LAMBS and AMERICAN BEAUTY are two of my favorite movies of all time! Not to mention all of the movies I love that have never seen the inside of one of those envelopes. While I enjoyed all of the nominated movies this year in the Best Picture category (with the exception of CRASH, natch), if any of them had won, I would have been all, "that's nice. Change the channel so we can watch Sex and the City on the WB").

The most I can say for CRASH is that it certainly evoked strong emotions. (As an aside: I used to faithfully watch, love and even campaigned to bring back Paul Haggis' TV show Due South, so it's nothing personal, Paul).

Maybe it won based on the subject matter. Because it examined such a large, hot, omnipresent, topic, which has people talking (though when it comes to movies, I heard far more talk about BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN), voters confused subject with substance.

I need more than just a good topic.

G

Friday, March 03, 2006

I hate everyone!!!!!

Why won't the fuckers send me my motherfucking money?!!!!!!!!!!!!

I now understand why people go nuts and go to offices and shoot everyone.

Ok, so that's not true. But I understand why people key other people's cars when they piss them off, or get into bar fights.

I want to smash something into a million pieces. That is how angry I am.

And why is my mailman so dumb, that he can't read the number on the house to see that he's putting the wrong mail in the wrong box?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!
G

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Is this my Shania moment?

I have no money. I keep spending it even though I don't have it. I'm owed quite a bit of money, which for some satanic reason will not come.

I've often said that I need to have some kind of Shania Twain moment in my life. When something happens which forces me to step up and act responsibly and nobly, 'n shit (without anyone dying, of course--that would be too Shania).

I don't think I'm there yet. The ST moment should probably come at a time and place where/when I can't ask my parents for money. They probably should have kicked me out when they said they were going to. Instead I stayed way too long, and though I did finally get out, not much has changed.

I hate being such an asshole. Assholes suck.